Monday, September 13, 2010

Milk Dates

Did you know that there's a guy down at the milk factory, where they make milk, who has a degree in milk expiration? A doctorate actually. Yeah he's a doctor in milkology. He has studied, extensively, for almost a decade, the art of dating milk to know the exact fucking second when it will go bad.

Actually, no. And that's the problem with this world. I bet you didn't know that. The problem is the expiration dates on milk. To be clear, it's actually peoples' reactions to them. If the milk expires on Monday and you drink it on Tuesday, guess what.

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure you can handle it?

You won't die.

That's right. If it says the milk will expire and you drink it one OR EVEN SOME MORE days afterward, you're not going to barf up cheese, choke on your vomit and keel over and die. It's just milk. There's no way to know exactly when it will expire. And most dates printed on containers are not DRINK BY dates, they're SELL BY dates. Meaning the store needs to throw it out if it's still there on that date, not you you fucking idiot. What is the deal with people being so protective of each other? It's not going to hurt you to drink some funky milk. What's more important in this economy, folks? Saving as much food and money as possible, ie. using what you've bought and not wasting it, or MAYBE barfing a little curdled mess up once in a great while? Stop babying your children and each other. Everyone needs to grow some hair on their balls.

When I have kids, not only will I not stand in the milk aisle for 13 years looking for the one jug of milk in the back whose date is like one day later than every one else's, I'm going to make him drink bad milk to build character. I'm going to make him drink it and fucking like it.


  1. It just shows that so many people over react now days and need to chill the fuck out :)

  2. lol yuoll scar your kid for life, but he'll never be sick :P

  3. yeah,interesting post,well the law says that shit with expiration date on milk:(,im supportin' every day

  4. too many people are pussies. nice article.

  5. i can handle it out of date <3 :D

  6. IF smelltest = yes then

    IF taste = yes then


    = winner winner

  7. Or you just buy the pre-heated milk that's good for couple of months.

  8. Well I'm glad they have this said fellow.

  9. I find the first part...unlikely.